Oh Almighty, Allah.
Today is 22/10 and it almost mark 4 months since our separation. I am feeling super pathetic because i kind of not moving on from him. I tried multiples things to gain his attention.
I cant believe it was super hard to forget about him. I dont even know why and it makes me miserable sometimes.
I dont wanna fall in love again but i feel lonely and i wanted to get past this miserable feelings.
O Allah,
you know what i didnt.you plan what i didnt understand.
so Allah, please make a way for me to get through this phase, and to make peace with whatever im feeling right now. prevent me from making another love mistake till the right time comes.
I wanted to just focus on my final year journey, and to be a better me.
Thank you Allah for everything <3
A week ago on 30th of June, me and AA has agreed to choose our own path. Things kind of tough since LDR and he was quite not into commitment things and yes, he wasnt ready for a relationship. Being a person I am, I respect his decision and decided to just be normal friend. But yeah, kinda strangers now. haha.
All in all, the memories created with him are beautiful and amazing. I believe both of us are better at being friends. We cant predict the future, but being afraid of the future while living in the present is something one should not do. We might make mistakes and false judgment but that's what gonna teach us in this life.
Alhamdullilah, I am cool with everything that happened. Allah helps me in facing through all the turbulences and guiding me through the way.
In the mean time, I wanna free myself from any man-ship or anything revolve around unnecessary love. May Allah protect us, insyaAllah.
ps: Please pray for my internship and upcoming senior year!
It has been a month since me and AA agreed on being a special friend. We have been going out together since then, at least once a week we will have a stroll at any mall around here. Cant lie, we did argue i learnt new sides of him and he accept me well despite me being a complicated woman.
I still having the trouble of removing this insecurity feelings. I afraid of going depth into relationship with him, so we are still being a special friend but kind of mix up with the bf-gf relationship.
He is such a gentleman, but he did has his rough side too. But usually, im the reason he started to get angry, hahaha.
Today will be our last iftar together, because we will be in long-distance-relationship for a few months. 300km apart. Fuh, quite afraid of being apart for this long because there will be more turbulences and hardship coming.
All in all, i hope we get through this together.
Bye!
Early this week, 24th of March.
AA and I decided to know each other. To learn about each other from the early phase. How it happened?
Initially, i was planning to ignore and walk away. But i never understand why it is so hard and difficult. A situation occurred, and i end up making a confession to him. He accepted and agreed!
He didnt really have that feeling yet, but he agreed to learn to know each other first. Im okay with it.
Im scared and afraid for a new relationship too, but we are developing in a cool and steady pace.
O Allah, i dont know if AA is the man who is destined to be with me nor i know that im the woman destined to be with him. All that i know, i believed in you Ya Rabb.
Guide us towards you.
In the Name of Allah,
Dear Allah,
Alhamdullilah last two weeks i have ended my relationship with him. At first, everything went well. He didnt really approved it bcs he wanted to wait for me, he said. But, for me at this particular time i wanted to end this going-nowhere-relationship.
In any relationship, it takes two to tango. So by means, having me withdrawing from that relationship it shows that there is no more relationship between us. I feel bad, initiating a breakup is bad. But, i believe that is the correct decision and i still believe it is till now.
Ah, about my crush. Alhamdulillah, i still have a bit of attraction towards him but im controlling it my best way. For now, im focusing on preparing for a marriage. Im trying to learn everything it takes to be a good spouse and a good mother for my children.
I know i should just focus on studying, but I believe no times should be wasted from preparing to be a good mother. There is so much more to learn, to be patience, to be loving and kind.
I bought books, and watch youtube and everyday i have a new insights on marriage. Which makes me more eager to learn and prepare.
O Allah, guide me for you are the best guidance. Protect me from any distraction and any lingering feelings (romantic feelings) from any man cause im preparing for a serious relationship.
O Allah, let me focus on me and my study. Please, do not make me astray from you Ya Rabb.
Ameen Ya Rabb.
In The Name of Allah
Im currently at my university, Alhamdulillah. It is such a great pleasure that i finally came back to my Uni.
Im still struggling to move on from liking that man, and yes i didn't end my past relationship too.
I will try to end everything, from my crush and also from my past relationship.
Yes, i think it is for the better since no one seems to like me anymore. haha
Thanks Allah, for the ujian. I understand that I will do better without any relationship with any man right now.
O Allah,
Find me a good spouse for me, which will bring me to your Firdaus.
In The Name of Allah,
Allah,
I am indeed should be busy with all the workloads of projects and assignments, but why i cant seem to make it done?
I cant seem to focus on my studies, I felt somehow lonely.
Maybe because of the loneliness, i fall for someone. I kind of like him for quite sometimes, but just as a guy friend. Nothing more. But, nowadays things getting out of hand and i think i like him more.
O Allah,
i am quite confuse with my past relationship, but i think we just not meant to be together. Or maybe not the right time yet?
I dont know, if liking him is a good/bad choice. Because of my past promises i made to that guy.
O Allah,
I am so confused, but this feelings just messed up i couldnt ignore it.
O Allah, let my heart found the heart of someone who will lead me to Jannah.
In the Name of Allah,
Why i kept getting confuse nowadays?
I confuse on why am i so lazy, why i kept sleeping when i had numerous assignment and project?
Why i didn't exactly feel energetic anymore?
Why my business is no longer getting okay?
Why?
O Allah,
I know i kept questioning on the why, i think i might at my lowest now. Because i dont feel any emotions anymore except for fatigue and wanted to do nothing.
O Allah,
Please guide me to the correct path, the path you has chose for me, the path that can get me closer to you, the path that won't keep me astray.
O Allah,
Guide me, only to u i pray for.
In The Name of Allah.
What is long term relationships?
One would define it as having years of relationship, where both have been in love more than a year. Someone might still date even after 10 years.
To be perfectly honest, I once thought that LTR is a romantic things. Two people know each others and in love for numbers of years before settle down with marriage.
But the question is, numbers of couple didn't end up with marriage. They end up breaking up and found someone new then getting married maybe only months after that.
So how does it feels for you?
Didn't you just wasting your time, energy and money to the wrong people? Isn't wasted?
At one point, i also think LTR is kind of cruel. Imagine, a man gave u hope and u wait for him maybe for 10 years like a fool and end up getting cheated on or breaking up due to some circumstances.
True, every relationship even marriage is like sailing on a boat without knowing there might be thunder or typhoon. But, non marriage relationship gives u nothing but wasting time and sins.
Even in Islam, couple or any relationship before marriage is haram. As it wanted to protect the relationship and prevent people from zina and unmoral acts.
O Allah,
prevent me from any haram relationship and protect me from wasting my time, energy and money to the wrong people. I believe in you, and I give myself to you.
Dear Allah,
this is my second time writing bcs just now i lost all the draft 😂 (due to internet connection issue). Ofc you already know what im about to rant about, but writing makes me feel good.
It is already February, a month has passed since 2021. I felt like January tooks forever ><
First week of January i still struggling with final exam and the next 2 weeks i just found myself indulge with numerous books!! I read so much that in 2 weeks i almost finished 10 books. Most of them are fiction and the non-fiction is more to motivational genre.
I started my new semester last week, which is the final week of January. I found myself kept on watching kdrama and movies or running man. I felt quite dispirited. I dont know what to plan even when i have planning.
I kept on wasting my times doing something i know i got zero benefits from, and i quit reading books too. 😞
Dear God,
I also being inconsistent with my business, at one point i didnt really feel happy when people ordered from me. but i also worried because this month i didnt achieve the target. I know i do wrong, but being consistent didnt really get me to what i wish i could get. I know you are giving the best to me, not what i want but you give what i need.
Can you help me? i dont really know what to do.
O Allah,
i hope you take care of Kak Ina, she already in the best hand which is yours, but i do hope you also protect her family. She is one of the kindest cousin i ever had.
I know my writing kind of going here and there, but i really am writing everything that happened in January. It kinds of a whole year for me.
Allah the Almighty,
Please protect me and my family, and i hope i found my way to you with the best possible path. I really hope that my business will do well this February and upcoming month, with more customers and new team members but i know you give me what i need. I always believe in you, I do.
Thank you Allah.
Assalamualaikum, In The Name of Allah this post is written for future me.
Sakinah,
One day, when life seems to turn their back from you, you shall not turn away from Allah.
In any bad decisions you made, in any mistakes you did, believes in Him. He created the path for you, He is guiding you, you are taking a life lesson!
Dear Sakinah,
No matter how big your problems are, His blessings are nothing to compare with.
Put your trust on Allah, shall anything seems wrong or didnt went your way, IT'S OKAY. It is Allah's way to show you the path He created for you.
Sadness, anger, betrayed there are LIFE LESSONS Allah has put you into.
BELIEVE IN ALLAH.
Put everything for the sake of Allah, InsyaAllah.
January, 2021.
Hi and Assalamualaikum semua,
It has been so long since i updated this blog, my last entry was on 2015 which is 6 years ago ><Honestly, i thought i have lost this account T_T
It felt so good to retrieve this blog back, I saw all my old entries and it was such a pleasure.
InsyaAllah I will be back!
January, 2020.
